Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
