I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
