And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
