he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
nutella sex= disaster
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
