Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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