I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
