My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
