Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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