This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
