i think my mom watched the whole time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
