i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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