New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
