I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
