I bet he comes in French.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
