What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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