I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
