This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
