im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there's paper in my vomit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
