Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
