There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
