I wish I could punch you in the face.
Say something about gay babies.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
