I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
