So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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