you would pick up someone in the library
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
