u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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