So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
