Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
