So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
