she looked like the before picture.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
