I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
