I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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