i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This baby is an asshole
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
