i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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