so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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