I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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