Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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