If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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