the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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