I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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