i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
