I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
