i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
