I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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