She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
