walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
