I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
