Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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