i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
