apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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