Pappa wants mamma naked
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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