literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
