i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
