My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
