I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
