Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
